What Women Want

in Women

Women go though many phases in their lives. Lest of which is a phase which appears to be more and more common right across the western world today.

That is the stage in their life when a number of events and circumstances seem to converge together. Some are natural & some are imposed, but regardless of who they are, or where they are, they will experience some or all of these things whether they want to or not.

This "converging" of events is definable and very important. In fact so important that for many, the decisions that they make during this phase may indeed influence the rest of their life.

Currently the largest group of people in the World, are the combined groups called Baby Boomers and X Gen's.

Baby Boomers are people born after World War 2 & cover an 18 year period from 1946 till 1964 in which 76 million babies were born in the U.S, over a Billion World wide.

X Gen's are people born between 1964 and 1976 that's 51 million people (considerably smaller than the boomer group but never the less a large number). That means that boomers are currently aged between 45 & 63 and X Gen's aged between 33 & 45 right now.

Let's say that approximately 50% of them are women.

That's a lot of people!

If we were to generalize about the culture of the world and about popular accepted beliefs as this group of women grew up, entered the work force, got married, left the work force started families and then later re entered the work force and how women saw themselves and how they fitted into society during that time. Then all of these factors have contributed to the "Phase" in their lives that they (to a greater or lesser degree) may have gone though or may be going though right now.

So what is this "Phase" and what are the changes that occur?

The Phase can be broken down into groups of events:

1. The kids, who you have loved & invested the last 16 to 20 years into looking after, finally leave home. Or your kids are now teens or pre-teens.

2. Menopause Strikes!

3. You begin to hunger for more from life.

4. They start to feel old

5. Divorce.

These events aren't necessary connected other than that circumstance and age appear to converge at around the same time, and the emotional nature of the events have a Chris crossing influence on other events, for this very large group of women.

The Kids grow up and leave home.

You may have been longing for or dreading this moment for a long time. On the one hand;

Finally can do what YOU want to do. Finally you're getting your independence back. Finally you can have a career or pick up the one that you put aside to have kids. Finally you can have your own money or can study, enjoy a sense of going somewhere where you feel like you belong, have a sense of community, and are doing something you enjoy. Finally you are more than just a Mum & a Wife. You can create a new and exciting identity.


You feel lonely perhaps even feels a real sense of loss, even a loss of purpose. Now you have too much time on your hands, to much time to think and dwell. Now your mind plays games with your self confidence and self worth as you think about the past & the future. Now is not a good time, as every one else around you seems to be doing important things in interesting places with other people, while you sit at home.

Menopause Strikes

Menopause signals the ending of the reproductive cycle for a woman. As such, their body will go though natural hormonal changes that will influence how they feel how they cope and how they behave. Pre-menopause often begins in the early 40's but can begin earlier. Where they may still be having periods but the symptoms of menopause such as hot flashes or night sweats, start to occur.

Research suggests that menopause can last till their mid 50's and for some, for the rest of their life.

The condition can affect a women's libido, it can produce mood swings sudden tears or fatigue. It can produce sleeplessness & night sweats which adds to their fatigue. It can cause memory loss, momentary confusion and a loss of concentration.

It can produce sudden dizziness, weight gain, anxiety, depression, irritability and headaches. As well as aching or sore tendons muscles and joints. (Unfortunately these aren't all of the symptoms).

They Hunger for More

They start to wonder "what If" what if I had stayed with my career. What if I had traveled or I should have. Where would I be now? Is this all there is? Is this it? What now?

They Start to Feel Old

I personally don't know many women who aren't constantly giving themselves a hard time about their weight or other invisible blemishes that only they can see.

Both Boomers and X Gen's are not enjoying what age is doing to their bodies and are very interested in anything that will delay the aging process.


When I say this, it's not because I believe that the first four are the cause of divorce. I'm not saying that divorce is the women's fault. (Statistically this may not be their first marriage either)

Divorce at this stage of life has as much to do with their husband's mental emotional and physical changes as it does to their wife's. (More on that in a later article)

What can happen is that during their life together to date, which could be 5 to 20 or more years, they have simply not stayed "connected."

For him or for her, their interests may have changed their values maybe different. Their needs within a relationship, what they want from a relationship may have changed.

What seems to be common is a "questioning."

Who am I? What do I want? What have I achieved? Where am I going? A sense of resentment that they haven't lived the life they now realize they want to live.

If they don't learn to support each other and communicate with each other through this time, then they may indeed end up parting.

Often that parting is not done well or honestly. Often it is not by mutual consent. Often it is a complete shock to the one being left; leaving them feeling bruised humiliated and abandoned by their partner.

(All of this may leave you feeling a little sad, that isn't my intention. Remember not all relationships end, the sky does not fall and the sun still rises each day and many relationships grow stronger).

So where does that leave us?

For many women this convergence of events, this cocktail of circumstances, leaves them feeling nervous but they know it's just what they have to do (if they were the one leaving).

For others it can leave them feeling venerable at one end of the scale and vengeful at the other (If they were the one who was left).

For many women it is a time of searching, a journey of discovery. It may feel like a mid life crisis but really is a mid life awakening.

Most intuitively know that it's up to them to make the most out of themselves even if they don't yet know how.

And at some point it dawns on them that they have been doing that their whole lives anyway.

So once the guilt of leaving; or the pain of being left begins to fade. Once the acceptance of the challenge begins to settle, what begins to blossom is a stronger more determined women who knows in her heart, that to do more than just survive, to do more than just live day to day, she must trust her self, let go, learn and grow.

What becomes very important is their friends their security and their independence.

As a generalization, for many women Baby Boomers they realize that historically all of the family's finances were handled by their husbands. They realize that they may not know how to buy a house organize a mortgage or run house hold accounts let alone run a business or write a resume or how to handle a job Interview. But now they either have to or want to.

As a generalization, for many female X Gen's, they may already be familiar with many of those elements but may still feel the tug of loneliness that creeps up at night as they lay alone staring at the ceiling, worrying about their own ability to put food on the table & succeed.

What is clearly evident either because of crisis or because of desire, what these women want is to be more financially independent. Feel more confident. Be in more control of their lives and their destiny. And be loved.

They want to learn more about the creation of money, business, tax, health, Wills and Trusts.

How to set meaningful goals. How to feel more confident. How to stand up for themselves. How to get rid of doubt and fear. How to let go of the past and break free from negative emotions. How to trust again; feel safe without compromising their independence. Stop feeling insecure needy or guilty.

And that there is a difference between selfishness and self preservation.

They want to redefine who they are, create empowering rules that enable them to say "No" to unhealthy relationships, be free to follow their hearts and be able to really balance work play kids and relationships without having to put aside their own needs.

What women want is what we all want, to be happy and free.

And our "Go For Gold-Goal Setting that really works" Program, empowers them to do that.


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David Michael Martin has 1 articles online

David Martin is a Performance Coach based in New Zealand
He has developed a range of leading edge personal development and self improvement courses that are available at

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This article was published on 2010/04/02
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