Myths Revealed - What Women Want on a Date

in Women

I gave up dating. It makes me cringe at the word "date". Here's why...I finally realized, after literally hundreds of failed dates, what women really want when they go on a "date" with a guy. And it's not what most guys think - in fact, they don't even want a "date. " Now of course, women say all kinds of things about what they want. . . and then when the guy tries to give it to her, it falls flat. You see, women are extremely unaware of their own inner processes - you can't listen to them literally.

I usually laugh every time I hear what women say about their wants because it usually sounds so ridiculous to me. First of all, women will say they want a nice guy, but only fall for loser jerks. Or they'll say they want to be taken out, have a wined and dined, when nothing could be further from the reality. Let me ask you a question. How many times have you been confused by what women say they want, compared to what they respond to? For me it's been A LOT. In fact, I attribute most of my early struggles to confusion, created by women! That's why I stopped listening to women for awhile, and decided to figure it out on my own. Now when women say things like "I want to be swept off my feet" or "I want a man who knows what he wants" I UNDERSTAND.

But it's still funny, because I know that. . .

a) she doesn't know what she means
b) she thinks she's helping, but really she's only confusing guys

Now that I think about it, if women could clearly explain what they need, I'd be out of a job! So I guess I can't be mad about it :) And hey, if I wasn't so ignorant to begin with, I wouldn't have had the motivation to become a master. I mean let's face it. . . I know a LOT more than the average guy. In fact, so do you, just from reading these newsletters. For instance, the average guy thinks that the way to take a woman out on a date is by spending a lot of money and impressing her.

This blows for guys. . . for two reasons.

First, you are spending money that you've earned to a woman that haven't done anything for you yet! Second, you are setting a bad precedence where you make effort in exchange for bed. Bad bad bad. The irony here is that women are MORE likely to spend in bed with you, the less money you spend - but it's all about how you do it. Also, women can tell when you are trying to impress them. It's OBVIOUS. I mean think about it - you can't tell when a guy is trying to impress you? Of course - it's easy. And as a guy, you might think, "oh that's OK - it just means he likes me and respects my opinion. " You might end up being friends with the guy. But to a woman, a man trying to impress her is about the most unattractive, repulsive thing he can do. And yet what does every guy try to do? Impress women!

Society - especially the media, they brings message that the way to attract a woman is by praising her and trying to obviously show that you are impressing her. It just doesn't work that way. Look deeper. . . You can't value a person if they value you more. Think about it - if someone sees you as higher than themselves, you won't feel the urge to keep them in your life. You'll treat them as lower than you - and it's all because they've treated you as higher. They did it to themselves. And this is exactly what guys do, which is why it can seem so difficult just to attract and sleep with women! A woman CANNOT feel attracted to a man who sees himself as lower than her. Why would a woman want to sleep with a guy who was doing worse than her? Sympathy? Kindness?

C'mon...she's risking pregnancy, biologically speaking. She needs to feel like she's getting good genes - that she's moving up the ladder so to speak. Now you can understand this rationally when I say it to you. But you have old habits that have become ingrained into you. So when you go out on a date, those old mental habits creep right in:

"What activity should we do so that she'll be impressed?"
"Do I have enough money to spend? How much should I spend on her?"
"What should I talk about?"

And then on the date, you're thinking,

"Is she having fun?"
"Does she like me?"
"Did I say the wrong thing?"
"Will she give me a goodnight kiss? How should I make my move?"

Yuck. Let me give you my mindset for dates. First, I want to hang out with her - its like I would with a friend. Maybe meet at a local pub for a couple rounds of beer, or get some late night grub at my favorite hot dog shack, or play Frisbee in the park. Stuff I'd do with a buddy. Now I know what you're thinking - what about romance? Well romance is not about spending a lot of money at some fancy French restaurant, and drinking champagne in a limousine.

Romance is about those little magical moments that arise when two people are comfortable with each other, in the moment, when all the pressure's gone. Memorize that. So when HANG OUT, casually, with no pressure or pretensions. . . just you and her having a fun, relaxed time, all kinds of funny, quirky, cute romantic moments will be FREE to come about. You can't force real romance. My second mindset for when I hang out with a woman, is "Do I want to sleep with her?" Seriously.

* I've slept with so many good-looking women that turned out to not be worth the effort. I've gone on dates, spent money, spent time, put up with all sorts of games, only to later find out that the woman is NOT fun, NOT interesting, and NOT good in bed. So I really am screening. But in a fun, relaxed way - because the only way I can decide if I really like a woman is if she is being herself. I like pressure-free date - no fancy dinner across-table interviews. No resume spewing. No attempts to impress each other (okay she can try to impress me - that's fine :) And this is the mindset of a natural. You see, naturals - the guys you watch get all the women and you can't figure out how - don't know a lot of theory or psychology. They have deep understandings; they have beliefs that fuel their game. And these beliefs lead to very simple mindsets for how they deal with women.

Here are a couple I've heard from some of the best naturals out there:

"I just show her I'm interested. "
"I say the one thing that will shock her the most - the thing she's least expecting. "
"I let her know I'm HER trophy. "
"No apologies - I do me all the way. "

That's IT!
No techniques or routines or complex strategies or methods.

Just natural game fueled by beliefs.
I've create these beliefs in you through realization and repetition - because that's all beliefs are:
Mental habit and understanding. I want you to get there yourself!
Stop listening to the boosting of other guys about their successes.
Make your own stories, and have the success you deserve.

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Vin DiCarlo has 1 articles online

Copyright (c) 2009 Vin DiCarlo

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Myths Revealed - What Women Want on a Date

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This article was published on 2010/03/31
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