Is Texting Other Women The Same As Cheating?

in Women

I often hear from people who feel very differently about this topic. I hear from wives and girlfriends who get very upset when they see their husband or boyfriend texting other women. They worry that this will either lead to or is a form of cheating. I also hear from men who think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them texting other women. The men will often say "I talk to other women. I call other women. So, why can't I text them? What is the difference? Why is it inappropriate just because it's a text? And aren't I entitled to a little privacy? I can't even use my cell phone anymore without her getting all upset over it."

To be fair, I can see both sides of this argument. But, as a woman who has been in a relationship with a man who used his cell phone to cheat, it's my opinion that there are a few very important things that should be taken into consideration. The most important thing here, at least in my view, is the content of the texts. Obviously, if the man is texting a family member or mutual friend about mundane issues like the weather or topics that the girlfriend or wife is well aware of, then I don't see this as a large problem.

However, most of the time, this is not the sort of issue that I get emails about. Most of the time, the texts in question are suggestive, inappropriate, sometimes include photos, or are done in secret with an attempt to hide what is really going on. And sometimes, the messages start innocently enough but then evolve into something more. So, if there's an awful lot of messaging going on in secret, then that might be a cause for concern.

When men approach me about this, and ask me if texting other women is cheating, I often try to get them to answer their own question. I often ask them if they would be comfortable with what they were typing if their wife or girlfriend were standing over their shoulder and reading every word. If they can honestly answer yes because they aren't saying anything that they would mind their girlfriend or wife reading, then there probably isn't an issue.

But, this is usually not the type of situation that I hear about. What I'm normally asked about is men excessively texting women in secret or in a context that is not appropriate for a loving or exclusive relationship. And the person doing the messaging is usually quite defensive, which makes the woman in the relationship usually that much more suspicious and uncomfortable because she can sense that something is wrong.

So, my honest answer to the question of "is texting other women cheating" is that it depends upon the content and context of the texts. It doesn't always mean cheating. But it certainly can and sometimes does.

I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that the texts meant he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. I told myself that I was just seeing things that weren't there. But deep down, I knew I was kidding myself. After thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information that he thought that he had hid and erased. And I found exactly what I feared. You can read a very personal story at

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Seeta Dean has 1283 articles online and 3 fans

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Is Texting Other Women The Same As Cheating?

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This article was published on 2010/10/07
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